how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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