the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
