if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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