I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
