I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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