Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
