You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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