Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
