Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
