it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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