My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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