Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
