i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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