somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
