I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
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Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
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I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?