If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
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I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
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I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom