What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.