dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
