why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
That's when you crack a 10am beer
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
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you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me