this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
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I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
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I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.