my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.