A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.