he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
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when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
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He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.