I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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