So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
