the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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