wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
