And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
