Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
