the new term for farting is butt boxing.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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