when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
