Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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