I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
