I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Mom said you looked used
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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