JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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