I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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