is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
