When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize