I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
