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i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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