I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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