yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
