She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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