i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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