The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Randomize
