Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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