So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
