i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
