imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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