Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
