Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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