Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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