HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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