Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
