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Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
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