Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
