Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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