please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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