Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
