remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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