after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
