I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
