After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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