his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get me chipped asap
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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