can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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