My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
