like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
