Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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