some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
