I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
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Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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