Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
