Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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