Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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