So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
