My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
