Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
