im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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