yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
