is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
