the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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