Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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