I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
